Why Marriage Is Okay, Before You Turn 23

     Let me start off by saying that I got married right before my 20th birthday and not long before my husbands 21st, neither of us have ever regretted our decision for a second. Life has gotten more exciting, if anything since we said I do. 

     I came across a blog post this morning while scrolling through my Facebook feed that really caught my eye. I don't typically pay attention to a lot of posts out there, but this one was different. It caught my eye for several reasons, one being that I really don't agree with it and honestly felt somewhat angered by it. Sure, I'm biased in a sense, but at the same time I found this post to be very closed minded and judgmental. Opinions are all over the internet, and we're all entitled to our own, so I just want to get the other side of things out there, that I think needs to be mentioned. 

     The post can be found here, titled 23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You're 23. First off, this girl sounds nothing but bitter and like she's trying to make herself feel better about being single. It sounds like she's putting things on paper because it looks good to her, and she wants to feel more confident in her choices to stay single. Whether or not that's true, it's sure what it seems like.

     Here's what I found in her little article, that I found to be complete garbage... 

• "It’s cold outside… you want to cuddle and talk about your feelings… life after graduation is a tough transition… so why not just cut to the chase and get married, right?  It’s hip. It’s cool. You get to wear clothing that wouldn’t normally be socially acceptable at the dive bar you frequent with the $5 beers.  Eff it. YOLO. YOMO! You only marry once…" 

     First off, back up. I really, really, REALLY don't think this statement could get much more ignorant. Generalization is all this statement is about. If you're really going to tell me, that the only reason people get married young, is because they think it's cool, or they're afraid to do things alone or because they want to wear certain clothes, I'm sorry but you are a moron.  Even some of the young couples that marry, when you see their relationship is a disaster, I HIGHLY doubt they're making their boyfriend put a ring on it because they want to cuddle up, feel loved, be cool and wear certain clothes to the bar. 

• "The divorce rate for young couples is more than twice the national average. Divorce is no longer a staple in a midlife crisis, but rather, something that SEVENTEEN Magazine should probably be printing on. Headlines could read..."

     Yes, the divorce rate for young couples is ridiculously high, higher than it should be. It's sad, it really is. I can't disagree with that but I think the reason for it is simply because of one major thing. Marriage is taken too lightly by too many. Two young people may love each other, and be in a screaming argument every single day but think it's normal and okay because that's what they're used to seeing. Guess what... A lot of these kids grew up in broken homes and see their parents with horrible marriages but they grew up around that and think it's normal. So, have you ever thought for a second that maybe their parents, and their upbringing had something to do with it? Have you ever thought that maybe it wasn't just them? 

• "I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience.  Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life."

     Congratulations, I'm glad you've experienced "life." I know plenty of people that married their current husband and they were the only man they ever dated. Guess what? They're still together and happy. I've experienced plenty. I took time off from school and everything after having a major brain surgery to find myself. I really focused on me, and amazingly enough my now husband was in front of my face within a month. Now... Traveling... Hmm... I traveled a lot before I got married and guess what, my husband and I still travel and if you ask me, it's 10000x better with him. Being able to share and experience things like traveling, risks, higher education (we're both full time students), career direction (we're able to help each other in seeking out what's best for one another), SEX (my husband and I have that, too), solitude (we have alone time if we need it), religious exploration (not sure why this has to be done alone), etc., and it's insane that every experience I've gotten to enjoy with my husband is just as, if not more amazing than those things I did on my own. You act like marriage is some end all thing that's going to ruin your life and make you miserable. Maybe it's not for everybody right now and maybe it's never for some people. That's not our business though, now is it...

Here's my favorite... 

• "I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out. It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce."

     Saying that a lot of these marriages are a cop-out is surely an interesting way to put things... Maybe staying single is a cop-out. It's a way for you to hide behind yourself because you're afraid to let someone else love you and help you deal with life's highs and lows. You're afraid to have a safety blanket with you. It's a shadow you place yourself behind, think you're too big and strong to need or want someone by your side to help you deal with the big and maybe scary parts of life; thus, you stay alone because you don't think you're able to make a commitment to yourself and to another person. I don't agree with everything I just typed, but after writing something like I just did which is a mirror image of the paragraph in that article, I feel like a complete judgmental bitch. So, I guess the writer of the article should either feel like one or she is one.

     That post talks about things like, if your love is eternal then what's the rush? My response to that is the fact that I want the ability to share my life, accomplishments, and every little thing I experience along the way with the man that I love. Sure, you can do that with a boyfriend but there's something more special to me about being married to someone. It's more intimate, and just amazing. Hey, good for you though, that you wake up feeling "single as fuck" and then realize that people are going to be "knocked up and fat" soon. Getting married doesn't automatically write you off with a guarantee of becoming pregnant within x amount of years. To say that you're the one that's really "winning" is also nothing but a closed-minded ignorant remark. Everyone is winning, because they are happy in their marriages or relationships or with being single. 

     Her list also mentions things like dating two guys at once and seeing how quickly it blows up in your face. That tells me that girls like her are why young marriages fail. She thinks cheating is cute, which is absolutely, positively, pathetic. Why is it funny to watch yourself cheat on two guys, and watch those two guys get hurt because you're acting like an idiot? It shouldn't be funny or cute or entertaining but I guess that's just how this girl is. 

     That's also great that you're happy with your life, and enjoying being single, I'm glad it works for some people. Remember it doesn't work for everybody, just like marriage might not. As far as the little list is concerned, I can do at least 18 of those things with my spouse and be happier with my list of 18 than my list of 23. I can do without dating two people at once (just why...), making out with a stranger (yes, I understand the not so literal meaning behind this statement) or sitting naked in front of a window, quite frankly. I've lived as much life as I needed to before finding my husband and now we will experience the rest of it together. I could make a list of a million things that I will now get to do, with my spouse.

     Don't get married if you're not 110% sure. Get married if you are. Get married when YOU think it's right, not because of some stupid blog post saying you're stupid and you won't have any more fun. Getting married doesn't mean anything has to change. Things won't change for the worse unless you cause them to or let them. It's all in how your relationship works. YOU control if things are good and if things are bad. I'm not saying everyone should get married at or before 23 and I'm not saying never get married. Everyone is different. 

     I was married at 19, we're heading towards being a year in and I haven't ever regretted it for a second. People can say I don't even know myself right now, but I can assure you that I do. My husband and I are as happy as happy can be and I know it will just get better. 

     Also, to the author of that article: You probably should post about marriage and how getting married young is stupid, when you're SINGLE & have NEVER been married. Just saying. 

   

Happy New Years (Almost!)

Taylor