Motherhood

I approached my husband a few weeks ago, asking him to take a picture of me nursing our son, Brooks. In my mind, I wanted to put on a decent outfit, actually straighten my hair, & maybe even throw on a little makeup, sit on the couch and let Brooks nurse away while he snapped a few nice pictures for me to have and keep. Then, while lying in bed one night, nursing my little peanut, I realized that's not what I wanted to capture. I didn't want to capture it like that, with a facade that made me look like I actually had my shit together every day.  Newsflash-I don't. Sure, it's good for you to dress nice and do yourself up to keep yourself feeling good, but that isn't what I wanted a picture of. I wanted a picture of what I normally wouldn't *want* to be captured. I wanted it to capture motherhood, and my life, in all of its raw, beautiful, exhausting, enlightening, frustrating, sometimes I go 3 days without a shower because I literally forgot (shut up, you know darn well that you do it, too), glory. 

I'll never forget bringing Brooks home, holding his squishy little newborn self in my arms in total awe of what I had before me. I soaked up, and still soak up all of the wonderful cuddles and take in that sweet baby smell every second that I can. Then, I looked in the mirror after the first shower when we got home from the hospital. There I stood, with my own 'just gave birth swollen squishy stomach, some pretty impressive stretch marks, not so designer bags the size of Texas under my eyes, sore 'my baby is literally glued to my chest' boobs, those great mesh underwear with a pad bigger than I even knew they could make attached, and more love in my heart than I ever thought humanly possible. That was my postpartum, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. That was all marking the beginning of the most amazing journey I would ever set out to take on, the beginning of motherhood.

It slapped me in the face. I tried telling myself that I just gave birth and it's normal, but it was hard in the beginning and I still have my days. I tried ignoring the extra squish, the stretch marks on my stomach, hips, ass, chest and basically everywhere else, but it was impossible. Six months later, I've finally learned to embrace it. Sure, I lost most of the baby weight, but breastfeeding has done its job on redistributing weight, making me squishy in areas I never was before. That's okay. I'm okay. I'm a mom. My body took on the most amazing journey ever, and gave my husband and I the most amazing gift ever. A bright, happy, healthy baby boy, who is the light of my life. 

Motherhood isn't always beautiful, and it's surely not always perfect. Our bodies or outer shell may never look the same again, but it's all for the better. Here I sit, feeding my baby, lacking make-up, brushed hair, and a shower today. It is what it is. I know I'm giving him all of the love I possibly can, and that's what matters the most while I'm soaking in this still pretty new, crazy normal. 

To the other mommas out there...  Feel free to share with your momma friends. I want all of you to know this, too. Motherhood has taught me in this short time to embrace imperfection, and that quite honestly, the most seemingly imperfect things will end up being the most perfect to you in the end. Take it from me, please. It doesn't matter if you stay at home, work at home, work outside the home, or something in between. We're all mothers. Do yourself a favor... Embrace the imperfection. Embrace the even more amazing and badass 'new you.' Embrace the ever so convenient mom bun, and the unwashed yoga/pajama pants that are covered in spit up & who knows what else. Embrace the days where you wonder how much more your tiny little baby could possibly eat. Embrace the stretch marks and extra 15 lbs, because who gives a crap what anyone wants to think.... You just had a baby. Embrace the crazy days where you don't even remember what meals you ate because you were too busy with your little one. Embrace the giggles, the smiles, and even those late sleepless nights. I know I'll miss them, one day. It's hard. It's emotional, it's exhausting and some days it just breaks you down. It's okay, though. You're okay. You will get through it, and continue to be the absolutely amazing mama that you are. Embrace yourself, embrace every last bit of motherhood and what it offers you every single second, of every single day. 

This is my new normal, my perfectly imperfect life and self. This is motherhood.