Your Husband Loves You No Matter Whose Boobs He Sees

     Let me clue everyone in before I jump into my rant and confuse everyone. I came across an article on a woman's blog. The post is titled, "My Husband Doesn't Need to See Your Boobs," and it can be found here. I recommend reading that first, before you read my post so you don't get confused. Part of me is irritated to the ends of the earth by this woman, and another part of me feels bad. This one is for her.

     I cannot believe I'm writing this. I can't believe someone actually went off on a rant like that, about other women's boobs.

     I went to a public high school-lacking the purity lessons you got. Maybe I was better off. I guess I'll never know.

     Growing up, my parents too, cared about what I wore, which was for my best interest. Sure I had shorts, tank tops, etc., but nothing was ever considered to be inappropriate. I wouldn't have worn it if it was, because I would've felt uncomfortable. Hell, even now my friends give me a hard time because my whole wardrobe is basically J.Crew and Banana Republic, and I "dress like a conservative mom" most of the time. Oh well. I never had to sneak clothing, and I never had the urge to do so, because I just never saw a need for it. I never had a desire to break that "barrier" when it came to clothing. My parents never let me buy anything without trying it on. Funny thing is, I never dealt with-or witnessed guys yelling inappropriate things in the hallways at school, at girls for wearing certain clothes. Maybe that was because they had more respect, maybe they didn't react because it was "normal" clothing that they saw everyday, or maybe your khakis really were too tight.

     I'm not sure if I've ever confessed this, but I want to thank my parents for letting me be myself and express myself through my clothes. I never did so in an outlandish or inappropriate way, nor would I ever, but they still allowed me to be myself.

     I'm writing this because I have so many mixed emotions. Like I said, I feel sorry for you, I feel annoyed by you. I'm not quite sure what I feel at this point.

     If you're not writing to chastise people for their "lake outing" bikini pictures, then what are you doing?

     I'm writing to share the perspective of a woman that is confident in her marriage and in her husband. For that reason, I am telling you that I don't care how many boobs in bikinis my husband sees on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram (no matter how much bigger than mine they may be, or how much skinnier or in shape that person may be), because at the end of the day, he loves me.

     I'm 5'9", I'm pretty slim and I have long legs. Last summer, I was up a good 30 lbs and I was definitely uncomfortable with my weight. I know how it feels to not love your body. It sucks. I still wore a bikini (which you find inappropriate), but I wasn't thrilled with the person I saw in the mirror. I learned to love that person eventually, but then I made the decision to get back into working out, and get rid of what I was unhappy with, that being the extra weight. I've still learned to love my body no matter what. My husband and I both have most social media outlets, and both post pictures on it, too.

     You say, "by the grace of God" you're forever bound to a "granny tankini." No. No. NO. I can't say no enough. You are not bound to any sort of anything, by anyone other than yourself or your own insecurity & self-perception. If you want to wear a bikini deep down, go buy one and ROCK IT. Wear the heck out of that bikini, because you're a woman, you're gorgeous no matter what and you deserve it. If you hate your body that much, take the time to implement a new lifestyle with eating and working out, to get yourself to find that inner-peace if you can't find it now.

     Again, you say that you don't fault us for being confident enough to let the world see our bodies. I wasn't always so confident, like I said and I still struggle some days. But in the end, this is my body. I've made changes physically, and even more so mentally, so I can love myself no matter what. I've read books, articles, etc,. learning how to self-love, not shame or self-loathe.

     I want to tell you that YOU are the only reason for someone else's pictures being a stumbling block in your marriage.

     When you scroll through your newsfeed, try feeling happy for the people you see doing fun things. Try, just try and ignore the bikinis. I doubt your husband is saying, "OMG BOOBS" every time he sees a picture on Facebook, or wherever it may be. If the people are in bikinis, good for them. You make a comment about how it's possible for people to not have cellulite-again you're judging. Your insecurity is being projected onto others who are happy and confident with their bodies, just because you have deeply seeded jealousy and insecurity-at least it seems that way. You clearly turn your back in a way to these people, and it wouldn't surprise me if you avoided becoming friends with certain people because you don't want your husband to see your friend as being more attractive than you. Need I say it again. Your husband loves YOU. Love in marriage is so different from anything else in life. You can see other people, and appreciate them for being human. Humans are amazing, beautiful creatures, and that in itself is a reason not to judge the way that you are. Just because people wear bikinis, doesn't mean you should think your marriage is going to be ruined because of it. You may be missing out on a best friend if you're turning from certain people.

     Your husband-if he is still coming home to you, loving you and loving your daughter, I promise those images are not rotting his brain. My husband sees these pictures, obviously the girls are friends of ours. He may "like" one of the pictures here and there. Do I think he's storing the images for later? No. I know he isn't.

     You say you're not faulting us or your husband. You say he diverts his eyes. Then you say that the temptation is too much. It seems as if you've created this irrational fear and imperception that your husband feels a certain way, when in reality your own insecurities are just eating away at you and in turn causing you to believe it's detrimentally affecting your marriage.

     You say that you yelled a warning to him after Memorial Day weekend, because of "half nude girls on Instagram," and that he stayed off of social media for a couple of days because of it, protecting his eyes and his heart.

     You mention your insecurities, which is completely normal and I'm glad you recognized them. We all have insecurities, big and small.

     Your husband wouldn't keep telling you over and over how he feels about you when you were seeking affirmations if he didn't love you.

     You say yet again, you aren't judging but use phrases like "*modest* bathing suit," clearly implying they don't meet your approval.

     Would you, could you, stop letting yourself think someone else's boobs in a bikini are hurting your marriage. If they actually are, this is a conversation you should have with your husband and a marriage counselor-not with the world on a blog. I have a sacred marriage, and a huge heart and would you believe it, there's been pictures of me with friends in bikinis on Facebook. We can all get along, no one is stopping that except for you.

     Please, take time to learn to love yourself. Find confidence, it's a beautiful thing. The stretch marks you're worried about, are nothing to hide. You're a mother. Those are something to be so proud of. Learn to love them, and everything else you may not like about yourself. Your husband loves you for what's inside, and what's outside too, I'm sure. Love all of your imperfections. Your husband does, and I'm sure he wants you to love yourself just as much as he does.


-Taylor