August 2, 2015

       I felt like pregnancy took forever some weeks, while others flew by. Once I found out at 36 weeks that I was going to have to get induced at 39 weeks, time flew by up until the final few days before my induction. Then it drug by. I was so anxious. I was anxious to meet our little boy, I was so unbelievably anxious and excited to start this new journey as parents alongside my husband, and anxious to deliver our baby boy. 

       I’d been 100% hell bent on a natural birth from the beginning. I still to this day get crazy looks, I was (and still am) told I was stupid and crazy, and that I would never be able to do it by complete strangers. I learned to deal with the comments, because I realized natural birth wasn’t exactly the norm here, which in my opinion is unfortunate. Let me say first, I have *absolutely nothing* against mothers who make birthing decisions that are opposite of my own. If you choose to have an epidural, that’s totally fine. It’s your decision and I don’t judge. I wanted a natural birth, because after doing research and reading into some things, I determined that it was the absolute best and healthiest option for myself and my son. Plus, the way I saw it, it's what our bodies are made for, so why not aim for that. Right? 

       I was incredibly afraid of being induced because of wanting a natural birth so badly. I realize that birth plans don’t always go according to planned. Very rarely do they actually go how you want them to. Being induced was obviously not a part of mine. I was prepared to go a full 42 weeks before getting induced if I had to. I then was diagnosed with Polyhydramnios (too much amniotic fluid)-which I delve into in another post-and because of that diagnosis, I didn't have a choice. That was okay, though. I wasn't happy about it, but the safety and health of my baby comes before my comfort. I was afraid of Pitocin, and the endless amount of possible issues that can ensue with induction, with the increased chances of a cesarean section being necessary, among many other things. Thankfully, I had an amazing midwife through my OB office, that took all of my concerns into account, and made sure things went as smoothly as possible. 

       I tried like hell to get myself to go into labor before my induction date, but we all know none of the crap they try to tell you to do actually ever works. I was 2cm dilated and 80% effaced for a solid 2 weeks before being induced. Endless walks, hours bouncing on a yoga ball, drinking loads of pineapple juice and eating spicy foods….. Didn’t do a damn thing. Figures. 

       My induction date rolled around, and I had to wake up by 8am to wait for a phone call. They told me they’d call me between 8a-12p, and let me know when to come in. 9:45am, my phone rang and it was the hospital. They told me it was time and that we could head over. We showered, ate breakfast and loaded up then headed on our way at around 10:45am. Of course traffic that morning was an absolute mess, so the 45 minute drive turned into about an hour and 35 minutes. My nerves didn’t need that.

While we were waiting to go back to our room!

       

       On the way there, I kept telling my husband that I was getting nervous and didn’t know if I’d be able to succeed with the natural birth. He just kept telling me that he knew I could do it, and that was enough to keep me calm for the time being. We finally arrived at the hospital around 12:25pm and they didn’t have a room ready yet, so we stood around for a bit. I was able to request a room with a tub/shower to labor in, which was awesome. It was a lifesaver during labor. I got back to my room at 1:15pm, and they got things started pretty quickly. I was handed a pretty generously sized pile of paperwork to start filling out, and they took care of my IV. The girl that did my IV initially was new (I didn't mind-they have to learn somehow!) and she ended up blowing my vein. That was a fun start to our day!! The next girl thankfully got it done perfectly after giving me a little break to recover from the initial mishap. I had a nice bruise for a couple of weeks afterwards...

       The nurses and doctors knew I was aiming to go 100% natural, so to start the induction they used Misoprostol, and inserted it into my cervix. I had to stay in bed for 1 hr following that, to make sure it was completely absorbed, and then I was free to move around. They put me on the wireless monitoring for contractions/baby’s HR, so I was able to walk around the L&D unit as much as I wanted to. I started walking laps with my husband around L&D just to try and keep things moving. I was having regular contractions within an hour of the Misoprostol, but I wasn’t really feeling them yet. 

       My midwife came on at 5pm, and into our room at around 7pm. She told me to keep snacking (but don’t tell the nurses!), because my food was energy and that I needed to allow myself to stay nourished. I told her she needed to make sure Brooks was delivered by the time she left at 7am, because I didn’t want anyone else delivering him! Haha. I knew I wouldn't be able to do as well without her there, and I didn't want an OB delivering him. She told me to just move about, and do whatever I felt like doing at the time and just labor as if I was hanging out at home. My husband and I did just that, hung out in the room and watched the Pirates game as I bounced on the yoga ball. My MW took me off of the IV fluids per my request, and just let me do the Hep-Lock, as long as I agreed to stay hydrated on my own. The Pirates started losing, and we got bored and decided to go walk around the L&D unit. I can’t even count how many laps we walked. People we didn't know looked at me like I was nuts, and they kept joking with my husband and I as we passed them over and over and over again in the family lounges they were waiting in. I frequently got a 'You're STILL walking?!,' accompanied by a nice laugh. At around 10:00pm after a couple of hours of walking around, I started feeling cramps in my lower back, and realized I was feeling no contraction pain radiating around the front of my belly like everyone seems to describe-at all. I told my MW, and she said 'oh shit,' and told me to follow her into my room. That’s where we determined that Brooks was Occiput Posterior (spine to spine/face up towards my belly, instead of facing down), and I was beginning to experience back labor. I had no clue what the next 12 hours of my life were about to be like, and if I had any idea I might've caved for drugs right then. 

My best friend! :)

       I can’t sugar coat it, and anyone that has ever experienced back labor can’t sugar coat it either. It freaking SUCKS. It hurts like hell, but I swear that it IS possible to get through unmedicated. We tried sooo many different things to try and get him to swing around and not be sunny side up anymore, but he never turned. Little stinker. The pain sucked, but it was manageable with the right mentality. Around 11:30pm, my midwife decided to sweep my membranes to try and keep things moving since I was progressing nicely. She was extremely particular about the order and pace in which she did things, because she didn't want to intensify things too hard and too fast. She also wanted me to avoid Pitocin, so she wanted to keep things going and moving along at a comfortable pace. I was about 3cm dilated at that point. I’ve heard a lot of horrible things about membrane sweeps hurting really bad. I didn’t think it hurt, though the sensation was gross to me. It kind of made me want to gag, but it wasn’t anything horrible. The contractions definitely intensified a little bit at that point, but they weren't too bad yet. My husband and I walked around L&D for another couple of hours, and then around 1:30am, my MW decided to break my water. That was not something I was prepared for. I just about choked whenever I saw what she was about to use to break it. It literally looks like a gigantic plastic crochet hook! She went ahead, and broke my water. Now, with the polyhydramnios that I had, there was a LOT of water. I had no idea how much fluid there was going to be, but I was shocked when I saw how much there was, and how much continued to come. I got onto the yoga ball for about 35 minutes after they broke my water, then the pain really started to intensify and the contractions started hitting harder and faster. I decided to go into the bathroom and get into the tub. My MW drew up the nice warm bath, and she was absolutely amazing. She talked me through my contractions along with my husband, and used the shower head and a cup to pour water over my lower back as they hit. The warm water did wonders for my pain!! 

       After a couple of hours in the tub, the pain was getting worse, and I was exhausted. I was dozing off in between contractions, believe it or not. I was at that point of exhaustion where someone would talk to me in between contractions and I didn’t even reply with anything that made sense. I moved out of the tub, and actually stacked two pillows up on top of the food tray they have in the room that swings over the bed, and leaned over it. I used that to labor with, since leaning forward helped a lot with the back labor. The pain was pretty bad at that point. I was trying so hard to stay focused and just let my body guide me through the process. Since the pain was getting so bad, my midwife suggested we try using counter pressure during contractions, and that helped SO much. I had one person on either side of me, pressing up and into my hips and lower back as hard as they could. Nurses, my midwife and my husband were all taking turns because I was asking for so much pressure. I can imagine it was exhausting for them. I was about 6cm dilated, and it was just a matter of time. 

       The contractions were getting more and more unbearable after a couple more hours, so I started mentioning the epidural, and asking about it. My midwife, prior to my induction date, had my husband and I come up with a code word. She told us to keep the word in mind, and if at any point I said that word, she knew that I was giving in and going to get the epidural. If I talked about the epidural itself, and didn’t say the code word, though-I wasn’t going to get it. This worked out perfect, and was a really amazing extra mental block for me. She suggested something called sterile water injections, instead. I figured it was worth a shot. You can read about them here. They’re actually really interesting, and seemingly effective. They injected at 4 points on my back. So, I had two midwives, one on either side of me, each with two needles. They injected simultaneously, and holy hell did it sting. It felt like a wasp sting, and it definitely hurt. I screamed (loud) when they injected it, but once the water was in, I definitely noticed a difference in my pain. While having that injection, my husband very calmly told me to quiet down, and it wasn't him being rude. He was trying to keep me calm and quiet. That was the only time I came close to snapping at him through the entire process. I remember locking eyes with him and saying,  "Don't tell me to quiet down right now, you have NO idea what this feels like." It didn’t go away completely, but it went from about an 9/10, down to a 7/10, for quite some time. Thankfully, we made it through this far without Pitocin, and continued to do so. 

       As I was standing there laboring, the pain re-intensitifed, and shortly thereafter, I felt like my butt was about to shoot off of my body. I thought it was time to push, but she checked me and I was only about 8/9cm dilated. At that point, my impatience got the best of me and I started asking her how much longer. I’m not sure why I thought she had the answer to that question, right then and there! :) 

       I moved onto the bed to labor, and was on my hands and knees taking the contractions on one by one. The pain was incredibly intense but at this point I knew I was SO close. I continued yelling and groaning through the contractions, to help myself deal with the discomfort. Before I knew it, it was time to push. My midwife had me stay on my hands and knees, and things continued. (The one thing I loved about laboring naturally was being able to just follow the lead of my body and adjust my position based on how I was feeling at that time. I allowed my body to guide me to do what felt best.) I was terrified about having a bowel movement when I delivered, and everyone told me, “Oh, you won’t feel it if you do!” I realized almost immediately that I didn’t have any drugs to numb me down there. I felt everything. I knew I went. I simply didn’t care at that point. She told me to let my body guide me through the delivery, and just follow its lead. I did exactly what she had said, and followed the lead of my body as I had contractions to bring the baby down and out. It was honestly pretty incredible. I pushed with my contractions, and took my breaks in between. There was no counting as I pushed, no telling me when to start, or anything like that. I loved the calmness of it. I pushed for an hour and a half in total, and it went by fast. I didn’t feel like it lasted that long. A lot of people look at me crooked when I say I delivered him on my hands and knees. Surprisingly there are a lot of huge benefits to giving birth "upright." There are multiple positions, basically all of which are more optimal than the usual lying down on your back, which surprised me since that's how most women seem to deliver in America. That info is all found here!

       Unfortunately for me, Brooks never spun around, so I delivered him face up and that made the delivery extra painful for me. I somehow managed to get through the pain. Pushing in general wasn't bad, but people aren’t lying about the whole “ring of fire” when the baby is crowning. It’s definitely no joke! While I pushed, my midwife used warm compresses and perineal massage to help prevent me from tearing and to help my body stretch naturally to avoid an episiotomy. It worked, thankfully! The warm compresses definitely provided extra relief during pushing, as well. Once he crowned, and the midwife delivered him, she placed him up underneath me on the bed, I picked him right up and laid back in bed. I'm so thankful for her, and how amazing she was. Her shift was over at 7am, but she stayed 3 hours later just to deliver him. We can't ever thank her enough. My husband and I were both emotional wrecks at that point, and I’m sitting here crying as I type this out. 

    
   At 10:01am, on Sunday, August 2, 2015, Brooks Callahan entered this world. He was 8lb 8oz, 21.25 inches long, with a full head of hair and absolutely perfect. Seeing Brooks lay beneath me, picking him up and hearing him cry for the first time was the most incredible series of moments in my husband and I's life. 

       We had our hour of skin to skin, since we delayed getting him measured or weighed, opted out of the eye ointment, and they gave him his Vitamin K shot after he was weighed. My MW came over during that and let me know that I didn’t need any stitches, I wanted to jump out of bed and hug her for that! She used warm compresses and massage while I pushed, and it definitely helped with pain relief, and clearly worked! She also let me know that the shakes I was experiencing were completely normal. Those were no joke!! I couldn't believe it. My legs were shaking so badly, it looked like I was seizing on most of my body. It was crazy and scared me at first, but she assured me it was ok! Thankfully they only lasted about 15 minutes. We waited to clamp/cut the cord until after the placenta was delivered & the cord wasn't pulsating since there are so many benefits to doing so, and everything at that point was picture perfect. As soon as Brooks was out, the pain was gone. I was definitely sore, but I only took the Motrin twice at the hospital, and nothing else. The best part was that I was able to be up and walking around just an hour after delivering him. It was so nice to move around a little bit after all of that! 

       They moved us up to our postpartum room after 2 hours and we were flooded with visitors. I don't think we got any sleep for a total of 35 hours when it was all said and done. I was exhausted but it was well worth it. One of the nurses that was in our LDR room for most of my labor, came up to visit us that evening. She had gotten off the clock a few hours before I delivered Brooks, and she came upstairs just to see him. She told me everyone downstairs was still talking about us and that she couldn't believe it but she was so proud of me for pushing through without any medication. We appreciated her coming up to see Brooks and everything so much! It really meant a lot to me to hear all of what she said. 

       

       I’m so incredibly glad and proud, that even though I was induced, I was able to follow through with the natural birth I had hoped for. Had I not had to deal with the back labor, I’m sure the pain would've been much more tolerable for me to handle! It was clearly bearable though, and any of you women out there considering a natural birth that have nothing medical holding them back-stick to your guns and believe in yourself! You were made for this, and you can absolutely do it. The only way out, is through, and your body knows exactly how to get you through it. Having a midwife was the best thing ever, and I won't ever consider delivering a baby with anyone other than a midwife. Their bedside manner, and general knowledge is absolutely amazing. They handle things in such a special way.

AJ, Myself, & Brooks with my midwife, Stephanie!

  

       The pain is so worth it in the end, and seems like nothing when you look back on it. Having a natural birth was by far the most incredible, empowering thing I’ve ever experienced. Any future children we have, I plan on doing the same if all allows. My husband says as well, that it was an amazing experience for him, and though it was exhausting, he was so glad that I stuck to my guns and pushed through. Our bodies are truly an amazing thing!

       

       With all of that being said, like I mentioned before... I'm in no way knocking epidurals or any of that. I did what I felt was best for us, and I'm incredibly proud of myself for sticking to that. Any woman that gives birth, whether it be naturally, by C-Section or a medicated birth has something to be proud of. If you plan on a natural birth-you ARE CAPABLE! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You can do it, you can and will be able to get through the pain. It's only temporary and you'll thank yourself for digging deep and pushing through. The female body is an incredible thing, embrace it.